Imagine if Tony Stark and a Bond villain teamed up to build a Death Star…but for AI. That’s Stargate. OpenAI just dropped a mic louder than Thanos’ snap: $500 billion (yes, billion) to turbocharge AI infrastructure. Texas gets the first chip fab—because everything’s bigger there, including existential questions.

SoftBank’s Masayoshi Son (the YOLO king of investing) and Oracle (cloud dad jeans) are bankrolling this chaos. MGX? No clue either, but they’re probably the silent partner sipping espresso while the rest of us panic-Google.

Microsoft’s sweating like a Sidekick in 2024. They’ve been OpenAI’s BFF since 2019, but now Sam Altman’s sliding into Oracle’s DMs. It’s like watching your ex start a band with Post Malone. “We’re still cool!” Microsoft insists, clinging to their 50% stake like that couple at brunch.

Nvidia’s over here popping champagne. Doesn’t matter who wins the AGI race—they’re selling shovels in this gold rush. Their GPUs? Basically the Beyoncé of silicon.

AGI’s the real plot hole. We’re building skyscrapers without blueprints. Ethan Mollick’s like, “Cool, but what’s the movie trailer for this future?” UBI ain’t it. Imagine explaining TikTok to a cat—that’s us describing AGI’s impact.

Stargate’s not just about chips. It’s America’s flex to China, wrapped in a Jobs Act bow. Hundreds of thousands of jobs? Sure. But also, Skynet’s summer home.

In the end, we’re all NPCs in Sam Altman’s open-world RPG. Buckle up.

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